Today I would like to pass on an appalling story shared with me by a close friend. “Cindy’s” father passed away when she was young, leaving her mother “Ann” with four teenaged children. Thankfully, his years of work in the oil industry left Cindy’s mother financially stable. Ann was able to keep her home and raise her children, maintaining a fairly comfortable lifestyle and holding on to funds for her own future.

 A new man came into Ann’s life after several years. Despite the fact that her children were hesitant of the man’s intentions – “Cliff” literally had zero financial assets to bring into the marriage – Ann married him without a pre-nuptial or any other legal documents to protect her assets. Ann’s four children strongly urged their mother to establish a separate will and a trust to protect herself and her assets, but Cliff’s children (who lived close to the couple) vehemently opposed the idea and talked the couple out of signing the prepared documents.

 Over the next five years or so, their marriage appeared strong and the suspicions of the children lessened. They began to think they had misjudged Cliff and that perhaps he really did love their mother. At about this time, however, Ann began to suffer what appeared to be early onset of Alzheimer’s, fading somewhat and becoming forgetful on several occasions. Still, Cliff stuck by her side. To begin with.

 Not much later, Cliff claimed that Ann had become unmanageable – that he could no longer give her the care she needed – and he moved her into a nursing home facility. Ann’s children contacted Cliff about wanting to collect their mother and father’s personal belongings; however, he and his children refused to let them into “his” house. They informed Ann’s children that they would sort through the items themselves and have whatever belonged to Ann’s children sent to them. Over the following two-year period, the husband used his position of power of attorney over Ann’s assets and drained her estate. Cliff’s final act in her life was leaving his wedding ring on her bedside table.

 Ann’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease and lack of assets enabled her to qualify for Medicaid, and she lived out the rest of her life in a Medicaid approved nursing home. Her family was unable to obtain the rest of Ann’s personal belongings or any of the assets taken from her estate. Cindy, her sister, and two brothers had zero legal recourse.

 One of the hardest conversations I have with my clients is about the possibility of second marriages. However, it is one of the most crucial. It was horrifying enough that Ann’s children could not keep hers and several of their father’s belongings, but the fact that she was left alone and virtually destitute? It haunts them to this day.

 You may think this would never happen to you, but I have worked with many individuals who remarry (men and women alike) and often to a spouse with little or no money. I believe that before the new marriage is the ideal time to review what the deceased spouse and surviving partner had worked for, planned for and wanted for one another – and to plan accordingly. By waiting to discuss this and not establishing pre-arrangements, you may be setting yourself up for disaster.  I fully realize that romance and finance is a sensitive area. Pre-nuptials might violate one spouse’s religion or the idea of maintaining separate accounts may cause an uproar. And each situation must be evaluated for its own particulars, but there are legal and financial tools available to assist you.

 A final thought: what if Ann’s first husband had established a trust for the benefit of his wife and children? This story might not have even happened. Each of us could take steps now to protect our families and avoid the remarriage issue altogether.

 The point is: whether you are still happily married for the first time, a widow, or in a second marriage, you should review your plans with your Life Consultant to protect not just your family, but also yourself for the future. We always tell our clients that we may not have lived their life, but we have lived their experiences through the experiences of our clients; and it does not pay to do the job alone.