It is tough. There really is no other word for it. How do you make any decisions when everything seems equally crucial: providing for your children’s education or helping with your adult children’s finances, taking care of your aging parents, and yet prepare for your own retirement?

Consider the Taylor’s: John, 53, and Vicki, 51, have raised two wonderful children, both have big plans to attend out-of-state universities. One is a high school senior and their youngest is a sophomore. The Taylor’s have socked away almost $100,000 for their children’s education, but are learning quickly that with a $40,000 annual tuition plus room and board, this money will disappear quickly.

John’s mother turns 79 this year, but is taking dialysis and her health has slowly begun to fade. Currently, she lives in a retirement community, but her doctor has cautioned John that she should not be living alone. John is the only surviving family member for his mom and cannot stand the idea of her being in a nursing home. The only other option would be for her to live with John and Vicki, which would mean remodeling their home or finding a new one, as well as hiring someone to take care of her during the day. John’s mother has very little equity in her current home and basically lives off social security and her late husband’s small pension.

John and Vicki are very comfortable financially as of now. They bring home a little under $200,000 a year between their two jobs. They have 12 years remaining on a mortgage financed at 5.5%, which is $1,300 per month, and only one car payment of $600 per month with 3 years left. But the problem is their retirement savings and the goal to retire at 60. Their current retirement savings balance is only $500,000.

Does any of this sound familiar? Although the Taylor’s story is a hypothetical one, it mirrors stories of couples and families everywhere today—those we call the “Sandwich Generation.” So the question is: How do you prioritize?

Think of the last time you were in a plane and actually listened to the flight attendant and the emergency instructions before take off. If the masks drop from the overhead compartment and you have a small child or inhibited individual sitting next to you, whose mask do you put on first? Yours, right? Right! Why do think that is? It is really hard to help someone if you run out of oxygen. Now, I’m not saying money is oxygen, but it is important for continued survival in certain situations… like the Taylor’s.

It is hard for most parents and adult children to realize that they are in fact sacrificing their future for their children’s present education or money issues and/or taking care of an elderly parent. Do I mean don’t help at all? Absolutely not! Drawing the line is different for every family.

In John and Vicki’s case, there are other options. For example, they could talk with their children about paying their in-state tuition costs and making them responsible for the rest through student loans or working. They could refinance their home in order to remodel for John’s mother and use his mother’s equity and income to fund the difference in the loan as well as to hire a caretaker during the day.

BUT….the big thing is remembering that “The young people John and Vicki are today are the only ones who are going to take care of the old people John and Vicki will be someday.” $500,000 is not even close to the amount of retirement assets John and Vicki will need to support their lifestyle during retirement. Furthermore, what about the rising cost of health care and what impact this will make on their own retirement? Should they be considering long-term care insurance for themselves? Do they want to depend upon their children to become the next “Sandwich Generation”?

If you are part of the sandwich generation, I urge you to get help. And sooner rather than later.  We have helped many families create several different alternatives and plans for these types of issues. Remember…it’s what you don’t know that you don’t know that will end up hurting you. One misstep could cost you years of retirement.

Securities & Advisory Services offered through VSR Financial Services, Inc., a Registered Investment Adviser and Member FINRA/SIPC. Kennedy Financial Services is independent of VSR Financial Services, Inc. VSR does not provide tax or legal advice.